I Am Afraid of Charlie Sheen

I am afraid of Charlie Sheen, and I am not afraid to say it.  I am not afraid of him in the same way that I am afraid of Ray Lewis.  I do not think Charlie Sheen could physically harm me.  I do not think that he is inclined to do so even if able (unlike Ray Lewis).  I am afraid to party with Charlie Sheen. 

In a recent interview Charlie Sheen said "I banged 7 gram rocks and finished them." For those of you not in tune with the metric system, Charlie Sheen said that he banged 1/4 ozw rocks.  That's two eight balls.  That's a shit ton.  I am afraid to party with Charlie Sheen.

I fear Charlie Sheen like I fear Willie Nelson.  I would be afraid to smoke pot with Willy Nelson.  He would probably floor me in about 20 minutes then videotape him and his friends poking me with sticks and urinating on me while I was passed out.  Charlie would probably have nine strippers mock my penis and bank acocunt sizes during a live broadcast on CBS.  I am afraid to party with Charlie Sheen.

I have thought several times over the past few years, when seeing Charlie Sheen on TV or in the news, "I want to party with that guy."  Now I am fairly sure that I do not.  At some point you have to take a step back and say to yourself, "This is one too many (strippers/briefcases of coke/midgets/guns/Armenians) for me to party with.  I'm too old for this shit."  Charlie and Willie may not know when enough is enough - but I do.  I am afraid to party with Charlie Sheen.